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Eram quod es, eris quod sum

Sex and Medical Malpractice

Muskratio & Suninos
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  • randomhouses@livejournal.com
A fanfic journal for a House, Torchwood, Doctor Who, Discworld, Nintendo/Super Smash Bros., Hitchhiker's Guide, Pirates of the Caribbean, Labyrinth, Verbotene Liebe, Robin Hood and other cameo universes (eg Harry Potter, Red Dwarf, Starcraft, 2001: A Space Odyssey, etc.) cross-over. Written by muskratio and suninos, who ate a violin.

The shows, books, locations, and characters are the property of David Shore, Fox, BBC, Russell T. Davies, Terry Pratchett, the Douglas Adams estate, Nintendo, Konami, Sega, and other relevant persons and companies and we are making no profit whatsoever from this random adventure into the realms of crack!fic, so please don't sue us.

Basic story info:
Warnings: None as of yet. Unless crack counts as a warning. Maybe mild slash? It's hard to have Jack without it. Oh, and spoilers, lots of spoilers for all the shows. Some minor violence.
Rating: R. Contains violence, language, sexual innuendo, and adult themes (no, get your mind out of the gutter!).
"Pairings": Well, we'll see! There are no boundaries. But this is primarily NOT a romance fic. All canon pairings will probably be kept. Not that there really are many. Currently contains or will contain Jack/Ianto, Gwen/Owen, and Jack/Ten. And Ten/Screwdriver. Yeah. And Cameron/Owen, Chase/Cameron, Cameron/Ianto, Two/Jamie, Jamie/Adric (no, really!... well, apparently not...), Bilis/Gwen, Bilis/Owen, Bilis/Abaddon, Bilis/Rhys, Rhys/Suzie, Suzie/Glove, Glove/Hand, Suzie/Hand, Glove/Hand/Resurrected Goldish, Chase/House (sorta), Chase/Wilson (sorta), Cameron/House (sorta), Gwen/Foreman (what? ew!), Jack/a bunch of random elves, Jack/Legolas, Legolas/Gimli, Jack/Arwen, Arwen/Aragorn, Aragorn/Cameron/Chase, Rhys/Gwen, Rhys/Myfanwy (*headdesk*), Toshiko/Owen, Toshiko/Sarah Jane, Sarah Jane/Adric, House/Wilson, Jack/House/Wilson, Carrot/Angua, Wilson/Mrs. Palm, Sybil/Vimes, Five/Adric(?), Tosh/Brenda, Wilson/Brenda, Tosh/OC(Monty), Cuddy/Ianto, Jack/Elizabeth, Will/Elizabeth, Jack/House/Wilson/Cuddy, Christian/Olli, Robin/Much, Robin/Marian, Marian/Guy, Will/Djaq, Marian/Cuddy.

House-verse: Post-Tritter, pre-"Insensitive".
Torchwood-verse: Post-season 1, pre-season 2, technically post-Doctor Who series 3 but does not follow "Last of the Time Lord" canon.
Who-verse: Ten: post-series 2? 3? Sorta post-series 3 but ignores most of series 3 continuity. Five: Sometime in season 20 or 21 (companions are Tegan and Turlough). Four:Assume spoilers through season 13 (companion is Sarah Jane). Two: Takes place during season 6B, so assume spoilers for everything (companion is Jamie). Also assume spoilers for seasons 18 and 19.
Disc-verse: Definitely assume spoilers for Guards! Guards!, Men at Arms, Feet of Clay, Jingo, The Fifth Elephant, Night Watch, Mort, Hogfather, Soul Music, Thief of Time, Going Postal, and probably more.
Pirates of the Caribbean-verse: Post-At World's End but disregards the post-credits sequence ten years later.
and eventually:
Lord of the Rings-verse: Post-Hobbit, pre-Fellowship of the Ring, entirely AU.
Nintendo/Smash Bros.: Post-Brawl but ignores Subspace Emissary. I mean, really, is there actually anything continuity related? Oh, well, I guess I (suninos) should admit I haven't played any Fire Emblem, so all those characters are just... not at all related to the games. Mario continuity is largely kept. And... that's about it.
Labyrinth-verse: Probably takes place before the events of the movie but doesn't contradict it.
Robin Hood-verse: (This is the recent BBC series, by the way) Most likely will take place just before or shortly after the beginning of series two, and AU from there. Will certainly disregard the last half of series two, and also series 3, if it ever airs.

This fic was begun in March of 2007. All new episodes and books published after that date are disregarded by the fic (EDIT: This may or may not be the case for s4 of DW). The story therefore now falls into the category of Alternate Universe. Events of Arcs 2, 3, and 4 will be entirely AU and changes the course of series histories. Therefore, certain episodes of old-Who and season 3 House are also disregarded. Additionally, we may frequently retcon whole seasons of shows yet to appear, if we feel like the story would be more interesting without them (or just don't like them).

ALL of the above is subject to revision.

There will be no Rose in this fic. Haha, the day I write about Rose is the day after the sun implodes and destroys the earth.

So that means come back in five billion years?


I am NOT putting in some obscure financial term in a sexual double-entendre during a make out scene in the woods between two people using moth metaphors while getting walked in on by a time lord.

But that would be EPIC!

In addition to regular chapters, arc 1 especially will be littered with interludes as well. Interludes will mostly be able to be read as stand-alones and will comprise of various fandoms, but will all tie into the main storyline eventually. Interludes consist of scenes that are part of the story but do not consist of the main cast - that is, the casts of House and Torchwood. But because all these characters will become part of the main cast later, this is a way to set up their storylines. Yay! We're clever! Uh...
aberforth/goats, adric, aliens, allan a dale, allison cameron, andreas jancke, angua von Überwald, anjali jay, ankh-morpork, bilis manger, burn gorman, calypso, captain jack harkness, caroline chikezie, carrot ironfoundersson, casey/beckman, christian mann, coma guy, cut-me-own-throat dibbler, david bowie, david tennant, death, diane holmes, discworld, djaq, doctor who, elisabeth sladen, elizabeth swann, elizabeth turner, eric foreman, eve myles, four, frazer hines, gareth david-lloyd, geoffrey rush, gordon kennedy, gregor mann, gregory house, guy of gisborne, gwen cooper, harry lloyd, harry sullivan, havelock vetinari, hector barbossa, house md, hugh laurie, ian marter, ianto jones, indira varma, jack davenport, jack harkness, jack sparrow, james norrington, james wilson, jamie mccrimmon, jennifer connelly, jennifer morrison, jesse spencer, jo weil, joe armstrong, john barrowman, johnny depp, jonas armstrong, k9, kai owen, keira knightley, keith allen, kittens, lisa cuddy, lisa edelstein, lisa hallett, little john, locksley, louise delamere, lucy griffiths, marian, martha jones, matt rippy, matthew waterhouse, much, murray melvin, myfanwy, naoko mori, naomie harris, nine, nottingham, old-school console snobbery, oliver sabel, omar epps, orlando bloom, owen harper, patrick troughton, peter davison, rhys williams, richard armitage, robert chase, robert sean leonard, robin hood, robin of locksley, sam troughton, samuel vimes, sarah jane smith, science fiction, sheriff of nottingham, steve mcqueen, subverting the dominant paradigm, susan sto helit, suzie costello, sybil vimes, tardis, ten, terry pratchett, the doctor, the hub, the real captain jack, the rift, thore schölermann, tia dalma, tom baker, torchwood, toshiko sato, two, vasey, verbotene liebe, voracious reading, weevils, will scarlett, will turner